I.B Notices Too Many Students Gaining Diploma, Announces Even Higher Levels

Mood

Satire Goat

GENEVA International Baccalaureate Director General Siva Kumari announced a plan for Even Higher Level classes for IB, proposed to be even harder than the Standard and Higher Level courses currently offered. After noticing positive trends in the graduation rate of the IB, she admitted that, “I’ve felt in the past few years we’ve really lost sight of our organization’s original vision: crushing any sign of spirit within our children and delivering universities students too burnt out to notice that they’re overpaying on their tuition.”

The IB Diploma Programme has a rich history of providing a painful secondary education experience for all students unfortunate enough to fall for their propaganda. “Yeah, the IB coordinator that came to my middle school told us we’d all be fine if we just managed our time,” wheezed Jessica Finley, who at the time of the interview was sprinting around a track while playing the…

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